I Am Not Alone............

Running errands and talking on the phone,
I am pleasantly reminded that I am not alone.
 Little tiny hands a precious rounded knee pushing and twisting that no one can see.
Oh sweet child kicking up your heels, it is our little secret that only I can feel.
 I look forward to your birth, when I can kiss your skin, but for now I will just smile, As I feel you play within.

Who will you look like, How will you be? Will you look like Daddy or me?
Ten little fingers and ten little toes, A wrinkled up forehead and a cute button nose.
You will be crying with that first cold touch, And so will I because I love you so much.
 
Before you were conceived I wanted you
 Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of Mother's Love.

Restless
when i awake, i feel restless
my soul within me jumps about
often times throughout the day
my heart will beat a peculiar way
as this restless soul infects me from the inside out
this unsettling feeling follows me
and makes it hard for me to see
i just cant shake what is going on inside of me
i feel restless...woe is me
is it from my incapacity
to be just who i am supposed to be,
that triggers the stir inside of me?
what do i do to stop this churning,
the oh so constant restless burning,
so back at peace once more i'll be returning?
for now my inner battle wages this same battle
attacks all ages
if you look in the mirror you will see
that you too are restless just like me
for i am restless...woe is me

I havent been on here in ages!..I was just reading some of my earlier posts and realized that I miss writing. I'm tired..exhausted...I miss myself..I miss life as I know it to be...I miss EVERYTHING!....nothing is the same anymore...nothing seems to fit or flow anymore...I find that life is just passing me by...Joyous occasions just become good memories, bad days seem to drag on for ages.....I feel a year older as the day goes by. HELP! what have I become?!?!?

So Im finally 23!..its not soo bad. I freaked out soon as it turned midnite, but my good friend was there and she baught me cake and balloons and made me laugh. That day was filled with suprises. We all dressed up...and I went to get my hair done. It cost alot but my sis paid for it as a birthday gift and I was soo grateful. after my hair I went to school b/c I had an exam. soon as I got on the third floor everyone was singing me birthday songs. even random people that I've never met were offering to do things for me . WOW! I was sooooooooooooooooooo happy.
Later on about 9 of us went to dinner at this really nice restaurant. I felt like a queen for that one day.The day ended with hugs and kisses and many many many gifts.

Lhe very next day which was a friday was filled with more suprises... my friends were all abandoning me for some weird reason. I was puzzled and tired so after classes I went home to sleep it off. later in the after noon one of my friends called me and told me to come with her to straighten her hair because she was goin somewhere important. I did her hair and mine for the heck of it. I was later dragged to drop her off and  when I got out the car to say hello to the family, people were jumping out from every direction yelling "SUPRISE!!!"...... it was a surprise birthday party. I've never had one. I was the one who was always planing it for someone else. I was in a shock.even the neighbors were singin happy birthday in spanish for me as I ran out the house chased my many people who were trying to give me booby hugs.
They had everything picked out for me. my outfit was waiting for me, my make up artist was there waiting for me as well..wow...I was speechless. I went downstairs and danced till I dropped then ate till I couldnt move.
I had a heart shaped cake with cookes on it. I got smeared with frosting and even got into inside my shirt some how....It was some fun. I came home really late that nite exhausted and tired. I jumped right into bed happier than I have ever been in my life.

I am thankful to have people who care and went out of their way to make me feel like a queen. They all knew I was dreading turning 23 and I am infact really really happy to have turned 23. thanks to all of them

It is august 15 today and I am sooooooooooooooooooo freaked out!....Im going to turn 23 in a couple of weeks!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!... I remember when I was younger I couldnt wait for my birthday to come but as I grew older I dread the day as it comes closer. when I turned 22 I had a total break down. what is there to look forward to after this. I have already turned 18 then 21....whats next?...40?!?!? They tell me age is just a number, but that number becomes a prob when it keeps increasing. 

 

My grandparents, uncles and aunts, ALL expect me to get married soon. In the society they grew up in, women got married at a young age...my grandma got married when she was 14!! so imagine what she thinks of me turning 23 and not married yet. my mother had 4 children by the time she was 23 and only 2 of us survived.

This trully is a dilema!